Are You With The Right Person??
During a lecture, a woman asked, “How do I know if I’m with the right person?”
The author noticed a large man sitting next to her and asked, “Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she replied, “How did you know?” The author responded, “Let me answer this for you, because I suspect it’s something you’ve been wondering about.”
Here’s the answer:
Every relationship has a natural cycle. At the beginning, you fall in love with your partner. You eagerly anticipate their calls, crave their touch, and even appreciate their quirks. Falling in love feels effortless. It’s an entirely natural and spontaneous experience—you don’t have to try. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love.
People often say they were swept off their feet, which implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing. Falling in love is a passive experience, something that happens TO you.
However, after months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. This is a natural progression in every relationship.
Slowly, phone calls become a hassle (if they come at all), touch becomes less desired (when it happens), and your partner’s quirks, instead of being endearing, start to annoy you. The contrast between the initial stage of being deeply in love and the much duller—or even frustrating—later stage becomes obvious.
At this point, both you and/or your partner may begin asking, "Am I with the right person?" You might reflect on the euphoric feeling of falling in love and wish you could experience it with someone else. This is often when relationships start to unravel.
Many people look outside their relationship for happiness, blaming their partner for their dissatisfaction. This search for fulfillment can take many forms—infidelity is one of the most common, but it can also manifest as work, hobbies, friendships, excessive TV watching, or even substance abuse. But the answer to these feelings of emptiness doesn’t lie outside your relationship—it lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And temporarily, you might feel better. But you’d likely end up in the same place in a few years.
Here’s the crucial point:
The key to a successful relationship isn’t about finding the right person—it’s about learning to love the person you’ve found.
Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It requires consistent effort, day in and day out. It takes time, energy, and, most importantly, wisdom. You need to know what to do to make it work.
Make no mistake about it—love is not a mystery. Just like the physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are laws for relationships. If you understand and apply these laws, the outcomes are predictable.
In the end, love is a decision.
Join us for marriage/couples counseling, premarrital counseling, or individual counseling. Let us teach you the 'laws’ of healthy relationships: good communication, conflict resolution, setting and keeping boundaries, and overcoming challenges, conflicts, and lost trust. Invest in your relationships … invest in you. 70% of relationships are healthies and last longer when they’ve gone through counseling. Give us a call today to see how we can help you.
